Why Is Listening So Hard?
Lessons From Learning Coaching and Understanding the Mind
Why is active listening so difficult, even for experienced adults? Through a semester of coaching practice, this article explores the true challenges of listening, why experience can make it harder, and how returning to a beginner’s mindset can restore the essence of coaching.
Why Listening Becomes Harder as We Gain More Experience
As people accumulate life experience, their thoughts become clearer and more defined. This helps us speak more confidently—but ironically makes true listening harder. Perhaps this is one of the core reasons why active listening is so difficult for many of us.
The First Wall I Faced in Coaching: Listening
In March 2024, I began learning coaching—a completely new conversational framework.
Everyone knows the word listening. Many assume it simply means “hearing someone out.”
But when I actually tried to practice coaching-level listening, I realized how challenging this seemingly simple act really was.
Why Listening Matters So Deeply in Coaching
Through coaching practice, I discovered that a coach is not someone who delivers knowledge or gives advice.
A coach is a facilitator who helps clients explore their own concerns and find their own solutions.
Coaching philosophy begins with a powerful premise:
“Every person has infinite potential, the answers lie within them, and each client is inherently creative.”
For clients to uncover their own answers, a coach must first listen without judgment or interference.
If the coach’s thoughts intrude too much, they interrupt the client’s flow of reflection.
The Paradox: The More I Practiced, the Harder Listening Became
Strangely, the more coaching sessions I completed, the harder listening became.
At the beginning, everything was unfamiliar. I was so focused on the process that I had no room to insert my own thoughts.
But as the steps became familiar, empty spaces emerged—and into those spaces, my personal experiences and judgments began to rise.
While listening to clients, thoughts like:
- “I’ve gone through this before.”
- “In this situation, they should try this…”
naturally surfaced.
Before I knew it, I was adding my own interpretations and suppressing true listening with the urge to give advice.
Knowing and Practicing Are Completely Different
The more experience I gained, the more deeply I felt how hard it is to truly listen.
As I became comfortable with the coaching process, my instinctive desire to teach—
to share my own ideas—grew stronger.
And this led to a crucial realization:
Knowing what listening is does not mean you are actually listening.
Why Listening Gets Harder With More Experience
We expect experienced people to be better listeners.
But often, experience has the opposite effect.
As we accumulate stories, knowledge, and habits, our inner beliefs solidify:
- “My way works.”
- “I know what should be done.”
These thoughts rush forward and block us from hearing the other person fully.
The mind is easily shaken by situations, and in this turbulence, deep listening becomes even more difficult.
Perhaps this is why practices like meditation exist—because managing the mind is one of the hardest things to do.
Returning to the Beginner’s Mind: Listening From Belief in the Client’s Potential
The foundation of coaching always lies in believing in the client’s limitless potential.
To believe in that potential, I must temporarily set aside my own experiences.
I must place listening above the urge to explain.
I want to return to the beginner’s mindset of active listening—
to rebuild the humility and openness that true coaching requires.
And someday, I hope to grow into a coach with enough depth to truly support the growth of those who walk with me.
For Your Dream Life
by Dream Max
